25 January 2017

FEC Peace

A shaky status quo reached after the Inmates Committee (IC) revolt. Replacing the duly-elected members of the IC did not happen. The unlikely alliance of Mr. OC and Ms Etoile and their vociferous supporters brought the FEC Upper Levels of Command to their knees. Or so one would conclude from Ms E's frequent, flagrant broadcasting in her throatiest stage voice.

"We won because I," Ms E trumpets, "accused them of human rights violations. We have an ombudsman for that, don't you know? And my journalist pal on the daily tabloid was all set to expose Upper Levels' unfair practices. That kind of publicity would destroy FEC! So of course they backed down."

"No. I beg to differ," Mr. OC is quick to interrupt. "We won because I threatened to go to landlord-tenant court. That lovely little articling law student prepared a brief for us, all set to prove our point. We would've nailed them."
Ophelia murmurs, "She was so cute you wanted to nail her."
Gonzo, smugly: "No more Thomas the Brave Bastard sticking his fingers in our petty cash or anywhere else."

Luther whips out a hat that says Make FEC Great Again to a round of polite applause.
Ms Etoile, briskly: "Good hat. Now, agenda! Agenda, please!"
Bella, puzzled: "I don't get it."
Sheila, wearily: "Am I taking minutes again?"
Luanna, wispily: "What time is this meeting over?"
George, rudely: "Pass the Timbits."
Ophelia, apologetically: "I would have made butter tarts if I'd had more notice."

A new meeting takes shape. A new Kitchen Assistant must be appointed. Ophelia nominates young Sam, hunkiest man in FEC, also demanding a new stove for the communal kitchen ... no-one wants to hear more about the Tupperware-melting episode and the Fire Chief's blistering lecture. Gonzo wants accounting software. George wants beer and wine during the IC meetings (Bella's face lights up). Luanna wants to watch television.

Meanwhile, Upper Levels are keeping very quiet about rumours of recently discovered discrepancies in Thomas the Brave's creative accounting methods for the Communal Piano Fund.

Having defeated the Forces of Darkness Upper Levels, Mr OC is lost in contemplation of a slightly more ornate chair upon which to preside at meetings. Perhaps a tiny bit elevated, the better to emphasize the IC his victory. What else is petty cash good for.

Another feckless day in the life ...


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