22 August 2016

FEC: Meet and Greet

On today's agenda, after Mr. Obsessive-Compulsive (OC) calls the inmates committee (IC) to order: the upcoming Meet and Greet for recent incoming residents. Building Manager Simon-the perennial-nervous-wreck is present on sufferance: authorization of furniture rearrangement for any event is his mandate. Luanna is the newest member of the IC.

"Wine and cheese de rigueur, of course," Mr. OC says, ticking the item off his sheet.
"How about mimosas and warm hors d'oeuvres?" pipes up Ophelia, as dictator leader of the Kitchen subcommittee.
Mr. OC fixes her with his steeliest eyeball and speaks through gritted teeth. "Mimosas indeed, dear Ophelia. Why would we consider such an extravagant expenditure?"
Ophelia is not one to be intimidated. "Because, darling," she replies triumphantly, "Glory Overdole! She's coming! She's moving in with us! We need to show some class!"

Her announcement is met with exploding signs of interest.
Bella: [GASP!]
George: "OMG we will need to wear jackets! And ties?!"
Simon: "Our very own home-grown celebrity!"
Bella bolts from the room to spread the news.
Luther wakes up and says: "Class my ass."
Ms Etoile: "She must be broke if she's moving here."
Luanna: "Who?"
Gonzo: "Why? Why would she choose here? Maybe she's dying!"
Sheila: "Don't be sour, Ms E."
Kitchen assistant: "Who says she will even attend our little soirée?!"
Ophelia: "She's not dying, she's in the middle of another movie."
Sheila: "She won't want a fuss, no special attention."

Ms E: "Are you kidding, sweetheart? Remember when Sterling Catheter moved here? He wanted the entire lobby re-designed to suit his star status ... starry ideas of celebrity privilege! Are we supposed to kiss "

Mr. OC vigorously bangs his gavel to no avail. Simon slumps below table level: this turmoil isn't happening. Ophelia's eyes sparkle with bacon-wrapped canapés and mini croquettes. Luanna looks mystified; she hasn't been to films since Peter Sellers died.
Luther: "Just what we need, another prima donna," glaring at Ms E.
George: "Green-eyed spite gets us everywhere."
All: "Shut up, George."
Simon: "O.M.G."
Sheila: "Let's do it, you dicks."
Luanna: "Who?"

Mouthy Monica bursts wildly into the meeting: "Is it true?? Overdole?!"
Ophelia: "I hear she already redecorated her whole apartment!"
Ms E: "There ya go, Luther. That's just the beginning."
Bella creeps back in: "I'll make my famous pinwheel paté!"
Kitchen assistant: "Thomas the Brave will do the bar for sure."
Sheila: "Gotta dryclean my cocktail dress."
Mouthy Monica: "PARTTYYYY!!"

Mr. OC flings his gavel down and in a perfectly executed movement departs the meeting, his imposing chin in the air and his best Wagnerian hum rumbling from the depths of disapproval.

Gonzo: "Expenditure for classy hors d'oeuvres approved. Meeting adjourned."

Another feckless day in the life ...

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