30 August 2011


So far I haven’t posted anything about the family. Will it be nostalgia, nonsense, or satire? Recent bits of social discourse (more or less close to the truth):

■ Hostess: it’s an outdoor party. Outdoors!

■ Mother of children in full sugar throttle: “Meltdown! ... Time to lock them up. Can we use your bedroom?”

■ 13-year-old with forensic anthropology ambitions: “Kathy Reichs, goddess.”

■ Doting uncle: “ ... this giant screen on the beach, y’see ... I’m thinking 'Back to the Future' ... a little bonfire, sleeping bags ...”.

■ Overworked uncle: “Anything with cranberry mayo.”

■ In-law: “You know, that restored warehouse somewhere on Jarvis Street ...”

■ Out-law: “I’m not here because I want to speak to her again.”

■ Cousin: “ ... apps ... Android ... interface ... API ... platform ... pixels ... tvdpi  ... (etc).” 

■ Aunt: “The pirogies are not up for adoption.”

■ Gramps: “Weather coming, good fishin’ tonight.”

■ 12-year-old facing new school prospects,  “Waaah, need a salon, hairdresser! Now! Mwaahaahhh, (sob, hiccup) ... Mommmmmm ... Daaaad ...!” 

■ Unknown hanger-on: “Chalk all over the seat of my pants.”

■ Me: “What day is it today?”

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